“Human suffering anywhere concerns men and women everywhere.” ― Elie Wiesel, Night
When I was in college a Holocaust survivor was invited to speak to my psychology class. She shared in devastating detail about the loss of her entire family in Auschwitz. She had narrowly escaped death and later moved to the United States to begin a new life. In telling her story, her sorrow permeated the room. We were completely transfixed by her words, obviously horrified; but aside from that, I was amazed by her survival - not how she had escaped death, but how she survived her losses. I wondered how she could stand before us, speaking, breathing, existing, so I asked her, “How did you manage to go on living?” Her answer: “I put it away, deep inside me, and didn’t speak about it.” When I asked her what changed her mind, she said, “I could no longer keep it inside, I had to share my story.” It was obvious that her suffering needed to be witnessed.
Why do I share my story of loss? I didn't I survive a Holocaust, and I certainly can’t compare the loss of my only child to the magnitude of genocide. Yet, I also cannot discount or minimize my loss and grief, and I cannot bury it. Sharing my grief can help others feel less alone, and it makes me feel less alone, too. The pain is simply too great to sit alone with it. When I write about my loss, I'm acknowledging its existence.
Why Witnessing Matters
Witnessing grief makes the person grieving feel seen and validated. Offering a safe space for open communication is another crucial aspect of supporting someone in grief. Creating an environment where they feel free to express their emotions, fears, and memories without judgment allows them to process their loss at their own pace. This sense of safety and understanding builds trust and can be a powerful step towards healing.
If you want to support someone who's grieving, here's how you can witness their pain.
1. Show up. Your presence matters. Even if grief makes you uncomfortable, showing up to a funeral or memorial services, bringing over a meal and checking in, helps more than you can imagine.
2. Acknowledge how much pain they're in by simply saying, "I see your pain, and I'm here for you".
3. Avoid platitudes like, "Everything happens for a reason", "They're in a better place", or "At least they're no longer suffering". Statements such as these can inadvertently make the person grieving feel invalidated.
4. Listen without giving advice.
5. Don't be afraid to mention their loved ones. Share a fond memory. This is extremely comforting.
6. Check-in regularly, even long after the funeral. Sending a text letting them know you're thinking about them, helps a griever feel seen.
Grief is a universal human experience, yet it often feels deeply isolating. Witnessing grief—whether in yourself or others—holds profound importance. It’s through acknowledgment and presence that healing begins. When we witness grief, we honor the pain and validate the emotions of those who are suffering. This act fosters connection and creates a safe space for vulnerability, which is essential for emotional recovery. Ignoring or suppressing grief only prolongs its impact, while witnessing it allows us to process and eventually find meaning in loss. Furthermore, showing support to those grieving strengthens relationships and reminds them they are not alone. By being present for grief, we embrace our shared humanity and contribute to a world of greater empathy and compassion.
